The other day I decided to look for a couple of sleeve groups to join, maybe find a little support out there on the web... Found some, read some... cannot stop.
Seriously. Cannot. Stop.
Its just this big mish mash of people saying thinks like "did this happen to you?", "what do you do when...", "have you ever noticed that..."
I just feel compelled to see what other people are doing, and compare it to my self. Its endlessly engrossing. Its good and bad though, because not everyone is in the same situation as myself. Some people have lots 100lbs, some people still weigh 350.... some people are at their goal weight and every single persons doctor has told them something different to do.
It is the kind of thing that could be dangerous for me, in an obsession sort of way. I can see myself thinking I need to do all of these things that work for a million different people and then screwing them up and just ruining my own efforts. So, I'm going to have to make a real effort to reel it in. :)
On another topic, I think I need to start seeing a doctor. I feel crazy half the time. All of the sudden, everything has changed in my life and as much as I like change, I feel out of control. And that is something I do NOT like.
I take an anti depressant/anxiety medicine every day, but it doesn't seem to be enough. Twice, I've had to take Lorazepam to calm myself down when I've reached the point of no return. A lot of it is arguments with or between or about the kids, part of it is based on insecurities I have about my relationship. Some of it is financial or work related... but it all piles up into a huge crazy ball that I cant stop once it gets rolling.
I read somewhere that your hormones are wacky during this fast paced weight loss. Something about fat cells releasing hormones... I'm not sure, but I'm starting to wonder if there is something to this.
We will see how it goes, I suppose. Keep you posted.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Goal Time
So, my doctor and I never really talked about goals... at all. I guess I need a few. I have some things I'd like to accomplish, not all are weight milestones though.
My highest weight was 272 - BMI 50
Starting weight (as of 9/22) was 267 - BMI 48.9
Surgery date weight was 257 - BMI 45.5
Current weight 228 - BMI 40.4
So far, that's a 39 since start weight and 29 since surgery. (See why I wanted that 227? I like round numbers).
In any case, one of my goals is to get out of the "morbidly obese" category. In order to do that, I need to have a BMI of less than 40, which is just a few pounds away at 225. That is totally do-able.
The next BMI category is to go from obese to just plain overweight. To hit that mark, I need to weigh 165. To transition from overweight to normal, I would need to weigh 140. I guess that would be my high end, ultimate goal. That's 88 lbs from now. A month ago, I would have said "inconceivable!" (in my Princess Bride bad guy voice). But now, seeing the progress Ive already made... maybe not?
So, I guess the lifetime goal is 140. But my in between now and then goals are the ones I can focus on and celebrate along the way. Here are my weight goals:
Goal 1 - under 250
Goal 2 - under 230
Goal 3 - 225 (out of morbidly obese!)
Goal 4 - 213, 20% of my start weight
Goal 5 - 199, which is also 25% of my start weight!! I was last here in 2002
Goal 6 - 170 - my drivers license still has the weight I gave when I moved to Washington in 2000, which was a lie even then... I think I actually weighed around 180 to 185.
Goal 7 - 165 - Wedding weight, 1998 (overweight BMI!)
Goal 8 - 150 - Moved to Montana weight, 1996
Goal 9 - 140 - College weight, 1995 (normal BMI!)
Goal 10 - 135 - High school weight, 1994
There are a ton of NSV's along the way... that list is huge. But here are a few:
Crossing my legs
To wear an XL shirt and 18 pants, I felt good when I was those sizes - way back around 1998-99. I was with Shaun, but I knew that other people found me attractive. Plus, I was old enough to feel "sexy". It was a good age.
To not feel worried about getting on a carnival ride
No extender on an airplane seatbelt
Sit comfortably in a movie chair without anything hanging over or without crossing my arms
Bend over to tie my shoes, with my knee bent at a normal angle
Try on my wedding dress
Borrow one of my daughters shirts
Wear cute boots
I think this list could go on and on.
But, there we go. Now, I have some goals. Looks like I've got a few pounds to go to his goal 3, and then a ways to goal 4.
I'll be sure to be referencing this entry as I go along, as I'm forgetful and it will be nice to see what I was thinking at the (near) beginning of this journey.
My highest weight was 272 - BMI 50
Starting weight (as of 9/22) was 267 - BMI 48.9
Surgery date weight was 257 - BMI 45.5
Current weight 228 - BMI 40.4
So far, that's a 39 since start weight and 29 since surgery. (See why I wanted that 227? I like round numbers).
In any case, one of my goals is to get out of the "morbidly obese" category. In order to do that, I need to have a BMI of less than 40, which is just a few pounds away at 225. That is totally do-able.
The next BMI category is to go from obese to just plain overweight. To hit that mark, I need to weigh 165. To transition from overweight to normal, I would need to weigh 140. I guess that would be my high end, ultimate goal. That's 88 lbs from now. A month ago, I would have said "inconceivable!" (in my Princess Bride bad guy voice). But now, seeing the progress Ive already made... maybe not?
So, I guess the lifetime goal is 140. But my in between now and then goals are the ones I can focus on and celebrate along the way. Here are my weight goals:
Goal 1 - under 250
Goal 2 - under 230
Goal 3 - 225 (out of morbidly obese!)
Goal 4 - 213, 20% of my start weight
Goal 5 - 199, which is also 25% of my start weight!! I was last here in 2002
Goal 6 - 170 - my drivers license still has the weight I gave when I moved to Washington in 2000, which was a lie even then... I think I actually weighed around 180 to 185.
Goal 7 - 165 - Wedding weight, 1998 (overweight BMI!)
Goal 8 - 150 - Moved to Montana weight, 1996
Goal 9 - 140 - College weight, 1995 (normal BMI!)
Goal 10 - 135 - High school weight, 1994
There are a ton of NSV's along the way... that list is huge. But here are a few:
Crossing my legs
To wear an XL shirt and 18 pants, I felt good when I was those sizes - way back around 1998-99. I was with Shaun, but I knew that other people found me attractive. Plus, I was old enough to feel "sexy". It was a good age.
To not feel worried about getting on a carnival ride
No extender on an airplane seatbelt
Sit comfortably in a movie chair without anything hanging over or without crossing my arms
Bend over to tie my shoes, with my knee bent at a normal angle
Try on my wedding dress
Borrow one of my daughters shirts
Wear cute boots
I think this list could go on and on.
But, there we go. Now, I have some goals. Looks like I've got a few pounds to go to his goal 3, and then a ways to goal 4.
I'll be sure to be referencing this entry as I go along, as I'm forgetful and it will be nice to see what I was thinking at the (near) beginning of this journey.
Yo yo, NSV and C25K
I was so excited to hit 229, 2 weeks ago.... and then I was so dismayed when I went back up to 232, then 232, then 234... good GOD, I thought I was going to throw myself off a cliff.
But, then I realized... you know what? I am still on prednisone, I am (was PMSing), I had just gone back to work and couldn't quite regulate my eating or energy levels... I decided to do measurements and try to find some NSVs (non sleeve victories).
I have lost 10.5 inches from all over my body.
I made it to the gym twice last week.
I did not eat even one Reese's out the Halloween candy AND I only had one tiny chocolate piece at all. At all since surgery!!!
My tightest pants are now falling off my butt
My shoe size shrunk
Melinda said I looked "Skinny".
So, so what.
I decided to cut myself some slack. Got some more sleep, drank a LOT more water, ate a LOT more protein and way less carbs. Starting keeping track of every bite and every exercise and BOOM. 227.
Felt pretty good about that.
Until this morning, when I was back at 228. What in the hell.
But, I think I've put my finger on it... all week, I planned carefully and ate pretty much protein only at almost every meal. But yesterday, I didn't have the ISOPure drink to keep me going from breakfast to lunch, I went out for lunch and then went out for dinner. I only ate maybe 1/2 cup of clam chowder for lunch plus 2 bites of steak and 4 shrimp for dinner. BUT, I also had 5 more shrimp later and a half a piece of pizza really close to bed time. Back to self sabotage, I see.
But you know what? Today is a new day. I had half a quest bar, because I was out and about and now for lunch I've just had an egg and a half. That's a good start. Now, I just need to drink 8 gallons of water, I mean, 8 glasses... and eat a good protein-y dinner and I'll be fine. :) And I'm sure I will see my reward on the scale by Monday.
On a side note, I decided to try out the Couch to 5K app. When I was young, I ran cross country and track. I wasn't the best on the team but I wasn't the worst at all. I had to really talk myself into distance running, but I liked doing 5Ks. So, off I went "start walking at a warm up pace", "start running"... and so, I did. And I ran each time it told me too! And I didn't die! It was awesome!! I felt so good when I was done, in my head anyway. My body was like "are you insane? Where is the inhaler and the icy hot"... but I felt good!
Today is day 2... my knee is sore, but I'm going to wrap that little baby up and go try it again. And again. And, again. :)
But, then I realized... you know what? I am still on prednisone, I am (was PMSing), I had just gone back to work and couldn't quite regulate my eating or energy levels... I decided to do measurements and try to find some NSVs (non sleeve victories).
I have lost 10.5 inches from all over my body.
I made it to the gym twice last week.
I did not eat even one Reese's out the Halloween candy AND I only had one tiny chocolate piece at all. At all since surgery!!!
My tightest pants are now falling off my butt
My shoe size shrunk
Melinda said I looked "Skinny".
So, so what.
I decided to cut myself some slack. Got some more sleep, drank a LOT more water, ate a LOT more protein and way less carbs. Starting keeping track of every bite and every exercise and BOOM. 227.
Felt pretty good about that.
Until this morning, when I was back at 228. What in the hell.
But, I think I've put my finger on it... all week, I planned carefully and ate pretty much protein only at almost every meal. But yesterday, I didn't have the ISOPure drink to keep me going from breakfast to lunch, I went out for lunch and then went out for dinner. I only ate maybe 1/2 cup of clam chowder for lunch plus 2 bites of steak and 4 shrimp for dinner. BUT, I also had 5 more shrimp later and a half a piece of pizza really close to bed time. Back to self sabotage, I see.
But you know what? Today is a new day. I had half a quest bar, because I was out and about and now for lunch I've just had an egg and a half. That's a good start. Now, I just need to drink 8 gallons of water, I mean, 8 glasses... and eat a good protein-y dinner and I'll be fine. :) And I'm sure I will see my reward on the scale by Monday.
On a side note, I decided to try out the Couch to 5K app. When I was young, I ran cross country and track. I wasn't the best on the team but I wasn't the worst at all. I had to really talk myself into distance running, but I liked doing 5Ks. So, off I went "start walking at a warm up pace", "start running"... and so, I did. And I ran each time it told me too! And I didn't die! It was awesome!! I felt so good when I was done, in my head anyway. My body was like "are you insane? Where is the inhaler and the icy hot"... but I felt good!
Today is day 2... my knee is sore, but I'm going to wrap that little baby up and go try it again. And again. And, again. :)
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